It's been a while since I wrote on this blog, I was busy with life and other stuff. At first I thought that it will take a long time for me to heal and forget about him, not completely wrong, but not completely right either. I'm happy to say that I've move on, I've stopped feeling sad and depressed days ago. Even though I think about him every now and then, but the memory does not have the power to hurt me anymore, it's just a memory of a good time we had to help me get through some darkest hour. I don't hate him, I still care for him, he's still a good friend of mine, as for love, I don't know yet. I guess love is like a flower, it needs sun and water, I stop watering my flower a week after he left, and his warmth did not shine on the flower anymore. So as the law of nature, sooner or later it will die, but I will dry it out and put it in a plastic cover, I will use it as a bookmark in a chapter of my life, about him, and the happiness he has given me.
It was tough the first two week after he left, but I manage somehow to get through, and I want to share the steps I made to get here
1. Give yourself time to be alone and be sad, let your memories run through your brain and the pain run through your body, cry as hard as you want, don't hold back anything. I only need 2-3 days for this, but may be different for some people. Afterward, the memories will diminish little by little
2. Don't do anything if you don't want to, because the result will not be good. Don't force yourself to go our and have fun, because you wont. Try something more simple, have your friend come to dinner and chit chat, or go to your friends house to have dinner. I was invited to a dinner in one of my friend house, his boyfriend invite 2 of his mates, it turns out to be great. I have a great conversation with them, of course the breaking up subject will naturally comes out, and the three boys always have something to say about it (it's great to have the insight of the opposite sex, especially when they are mature and have been in the field for sometime). One of them has just recently broke up with his 3 years GF and has been really charming and kind all night. I guess he understand what I'm through, if my mind wonders and I have that blank face he will ask, are you alright, are you having fun? that was sweet.
3. Pampers yourself, do all the things you want to do to feel good, go swimming, spa, shopping, go to the park, enjoy the beauty of life. My idea of pampering myself is to have a nice dinner out to new places, buy some books that I like and just stay on my room all day, reading and being lazy LOL.
4. Take care of yourself, go to a beauty shop get some pedicure, manicure, facial, have your hair colored, or anything that will make you look good and feel good. I'm on a diet, already lost 8 pounds, and my old clothes starts to fit again. I use lotion regularly for my dry skin, put on a face mask every 3 days, get a cream bath for my hair once a week, and I feel fine. When you take care of your body, and see the result you will look good and feel good, when I see my skin glow healthily and how my stomach getting flatter, the thought of my ex does not even bother me, I feel too good to be sad. Two days a ago I went out with some friend, there is a guy that gives me the look (you know "you look fine girl" kind of look) and I felt fabulous! he wants me, it boost my self confident.
5. Change yourself, change the inside will be a bit difficult but it will comes with time. Change the outside is good also, my physical appearance is getting better with my intense grooming lol. I'm buying contacts to replace my glasses, getting a brace for my teeth, change my hair color, and thinking of getting hair extension lol. I might go extreme and get a nice tattoo lol. Tattoo always makes me feel sexy.
6. Make a resolution, you know the new year type resolution, plan your future, it will make you focus on your future goals. I'm enrolling a language course, take up gym with my brother, and take a vocal lesson to bring out my old voice. I also start a new business with a friend, a long time dream of mine, I've been saving money, now it's the showdown lol, I'm really excited and looking forward to this, and they will keep me positively busy.
7. Don't hate your ex, I know it's the easiest way to get over it, but it's no good, like Will Smith say "through life people will make you mad, disrespect you and makes you sad, let God deal with the things they do because keeping hate in your heart will consume you to". Don't go over and over about the things you don't like from him, you're going to disrespect the good memories you have with him, use it to make you smile, not sad. I can't use his defaults to make me hate him, because to me all of that are just "cute" for me. He's just a memory, a chapter in your life, you live you learn! either way all the things that happen in your past is the one that makes you who you are today, say thank you and move on. Always be nice with him no matter painful, I believe in karma, what goes around comes around, if you keep being nice, one day there will be a person who will do the same for you, just keep believing, your kind heart will be rewarded, one day someone will come and love you the way you love him, and he will make you happy the way you make him happy, it's proven by one of my best friend lol.
8. Get busy, I always liked to take care of other people, a week after he left I stayed in a friends house for a few days, taking care of her makes me feel good. I like to cook for her, talked, and do a lot of things with her. After I went to my mom's house and took care of her and my siblings. Now I'm just doing fine, cooking keeps me busy and happy.
9. Do not do anything to harm yourself, I repeat DO NOT! you're not only hurting yourself but also hurting people that loves you and care for you, put yourself in their shoes, they will feel disappointed if you do. Do not even think about suicide, that's just lame, pity is not the way to win him back, it's just weak. As Mr. Satterthwaite a character in Agatha Christie novel said "I can never commit suicide for two reasons, one I don't have the courage, second I'm always curious of what going to happen tomorrow". Hey you never know, maybe you find someone else tomorrow, or maybe you'll be back with him tomorrow, don't give up and give life a chance to make it better.
10. Surround yourself with friends and family, you might not want to hear what their opinion that you can not accept, admit it even if your boyfriend is an ass****, you know he's an ass****, but when you friend said it, you wont listen and tried to defend him, silly but understandable. But you'r friend and family will LISTEN, and make you laugh and loved. Hey they might try to hook you up with some dudes, like me, don't refuse, but only when you're ready. It's good to make new friend, and who knows, maybe one of them will get to your heart *wink*
11. Last but not least, LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST! you never know when you going to go, so use your limited time in the world to be happy and make everyone else happy. And remember NO REGRETS, what happen in the past is what makes you who you are now! Enjoy every good food, music, books, movies all the little things in life, endeavor it with great appetite. Then you will understand that you've been blessed with good friends, good family, and good life.
Here is a simple test to see if you already get over him or not, kiss a guy, maybe someone you know or a stranger. If you don't feel guilt and not thinking that when you kiss the guy you're making a revenge towards him, then you're good. If you feel the other two, get back to step one LOL. A kiss should feel good, and if it does, blushing like a teenager, and smiling from cheek to cheek, then you're over it, enjoy!
Cheers to all the ladies in the world! You're all beautiful, strong and kind hearted! you shall be loved by a man that know how to appreciate you.
Love
-Mare-
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